Taken from The central Baptist Im too tired to trust and too tired to pray" said one as the over taxed strength gave way The one conscious thought by my mind possessed, is. oh could I just drop it all and rest will God forgive do you suppose If I got rigt to sleep as Baby goes without even asking if I may without even trying to trust as pray. will God forgive you, why just think dear heart when language to you was an unknown art did a mother deny you needed Rest or refuse to pillow you on her Breast did she let you want when you could not ask, did she set her Child an unequal task or did she cradle you in her arms and then guard your slumbers against alarms sh how if or ck was her mother love to see the unconoup yearnings of infancy" when youve grown too tired to trust and pray when (new page) when I overwrought nature has just given way then just drop it all and give up to rest as you used to do on a mothers Breast he knows all about it- the Dear lord knows so just go to sleep as a Baby goes without even asking if you may God knows when his Child is two tired to pray. he judges not soley by utterde prayr he knows when the yearnings of love are there he know you do pray he know you do trust. and he knows too the limits of poor weds dust. o the wonderful sympathy of christ for his chosen ones in the midnight tryst. when he bade them sleep on and take thier rest. while on him the quilt of the whole world pressed. youve given your life up to him to keep then dont be afraid to go right to sleep(new page) Feb 7th 1892 Its one year sicnce my Dear companion Departed this life I cant write any more to day Feb 23 Ill try to write some more but I hardly know what. I feel so depressed I dont know any cause for such feelings but I suppose anyone thats had Truble and sorrow will have such feelings I know I have The Best son that ever was well I can say as good, but when I think of our dear departed one my heart is so full that I dont know that care to stay much of longer o I never can forget him saying so often I will be waiting at the gate mother I must stop now for I cant Write any more Grant came to dinnr and he seemed so cheerful that I feel like I can write some more o what a precious Boy he is I know I am proud of him I am allways leaving something out in my writing well I cant help it I am real ashmed that I cant do better if I could write it would be such a plesure to write to my children I think I will try awhile longer anyway (new page) How time flies it seeme but a few days as it were since I left our home and came to this mew and I can say pleasant one but o the change is so great I hardly know how to realize it some times I feel like I would like to go back to the Dear old home but how can I stay there wittout our Dear departed I know Its not right to complain when he is sohappy but I can say that I dont wish him back if it could be that he could have had health o what a comfort it would be to have him here how foolish I write when I know that I cant live much longer March 11th well Im here yet Im nearly seventy three how time flie it seem only a few weeks since I was seventy two I dont feel very well to Day but I suppose thers noting wrong mrs Ham's spent the night with us very pleasantly she is a real nice lady anyway I want to write in my Jounrel to day if posable Ill stop now for awhile SJC (page break) March 20 1892 This is my Birth Day I am seventy three it seems but a few days as it were days since I was seventy two these birth kow they play it is sometimes alarming to think how few must remain and how soon they will all be passed I sometimes think it would be as well for my children if I was taken from this world I have no reason to complain for I know I have the best children that ever was I hope I wont be any truble to them that was allways my dread March 30th I will write some to day Im going to write to Nannie o how I wish I could see her and have a pleasant time like we once had She has had so much sorrow and trouble that I feel real sorry for her I hope she may rise above the frowns of this world and live to raise her children S J C (page break) April 10th my Dear friend mrs Parberry is gone to a world of bliss asleep in Jesus Blessed sleep oh how our Dear Annie will miss her good mother The Sorrow for the Dead is the only sorry from which we refuse to be divorsed every other wound we seek to heal every other affliction to forget but this wound we consider it our duty to keep open this affliction we cherish and brood over in secret may Grant and I went to our old home and to Church I love to go to the once Dear happy home oh the change, I sometime think it (page break) (may) would be as well for me not to go very often I can feel that I an not so well contented here anyone would think that I could be as happy here I suppose I can but its not the same I am too old to make such a change I had a pleasant visit with my children at allville and come home and I think there no place like home I love to visit my children but I Dont want to stay too long I rather they would come to see me Im so lonesome sience eva left us but I suppose we have to make out some how (page break) June 4th I had intende going home to church to day but its so muddy and bad travling so I give it out Monday morning I feel weary and lonely to day o I want to go to my own dear home why did I come here Im not happy here and never expect to be theres so much pride and vanity that it dont suit me Lord of my life whose word of Power did fist inspire my Breath tis thou thats kept me to this hour from danger and from Death Sarilda J Crawford (page break) I wish Grant would marry some good girl I want to give up house keeping well I woander what Im writing I think Id better stop I am all out of sorsts to Day July, it has Been some time since I have writen and I hardley know what I want to write now I am feeling very well to Day I have just been reading some in the Bible o the comfort it gives my heart to read and meditat on the precious promisses in that Blessed Book I would like to reade some in it every Day Grant has gone to church to Day I know he will hear a good sermon I ougt to have went but I love to be alone some times and (page break) read and study, I love to think on mercies Past and future good implore Aug 11 John and Annie started to the mountain this morning I (they) hope they will get there safe I cant help being uneasey tho, It seemes that I worrie about my children more then I ought to but I cant help it Grant and I went out home last Friday night and I met some of my grandchildren and a good many old time Friends at the church where they had a supper for the benefit of the church I wish I lived near so I could go to Preaching when I felt like it, I know I can go more than I do but some how I cant get into spirt while I love to hear mr fuller Preach, I cant enjoy going to church like I did in the country. (page break) March 207 (93) I have been worried for some time onaccount of Annie going a way. have recieved a letter from her to Day stateing that they are all well I hope the change may be the best for them. cynthia spent last week with us was glad to have her it seems hard that I cant be near my Daughter but I have a Dear good daughter inlaw annie I Love her dearly she is so kind I hope I may never act in way unkind to her Teach me o my Gracious master Patience and a submission sweet Let my chastend spirit cast her Pour dens at thy sacred feet Lift the storm cloud that has Sent me In the dust to agonize Teach me that these trials sent me May be Blessings in Disguise (page break) April my seventy fourth Birth Day was the 20 March I didnt talk much notice of it the day annie left I felt too Bad to think of any thing much. I feel that I am getting weaker every day and I know my stay in this world will not be long o if my mortal feet Have almost gained the Brink If I am nearer home even to day then I think Farther perfect my trust Let my spirit feel in death That her feet are firmly set on the rock of living faith S J C (page break) May I am alone to Day but I dont feel lonesome. I love to meditate and sometimes I feel like my Dear husband is with me I belive his angle sprit is watching over me o Blessed thought, often he would say Ill be waiting at the gaite Mother yes I feel that he is waiting and watching for me, I am not complaining of my lot, not I am well provied for in every way have a nice home and every thing that heart could wish and a kind son. its so hard or it would be for me not to have kind children they are all so good to me. I can look Back and from infancy up to the present. Iv been bleest o how thankful I am o my Fathe in heaven make me to know and do thy will. Sarilda J Crawford (page break) June 1st last Tuesday was memorial day and Grant and I went out home and to the graves of our Dear departed Friends and while standing at the grave of him whom I shall ever mourn. I seemed to feel that it would not be long until I would lie there too we placed some flowers on the mounds and felt it was all we could do. we went to the Dear old house but dident go in I feel better not to go in we walked over yard every thing has changed so much. I once thought we would never sell that farm as long as I live it seems that would be better as Grant will never go back to farm any more o its so hard to gibe up the home where my happiest Days where spent I love every tree and bush no place can never sum like home. S J C (page break) June 4th Grant has gone to church and I have been reading some in the Bibble I am never lonesom when I can read we had intened to go out home to church but the rain stopt us. I fear we will go not very often well Ill by to b content. I am feeling very well to Day hope it may last. 7th went to Johns last night had a pleasant time met mrs stone she is so much like her sister mrs parbery I love to be in her company. this is a Beautiful Day we have had so much rain am glad to see the sun. hope well have good weather for a while I have heard Ella whites Babe is sick hope its better would like to go and see them I love Ella Dearly she is allways kind to me S J C (page break) June 8th Delightful day every Body seems happy annie and her aunt mrs stone spent last evening with us had a pleasant time 24 Grant has gone to the worlds Fair I miss him so much hope he will have a nice time and come home in Better beatth he needed rest miss Dora keller staid with me last night She is a plesant young lady I like her very much she talks to me about my children in the mountains of course I want to hear all I can of my far away dear ones I think of them so often had a letter from Jimmis and one from Maggie some time ago havent answard them yet will soon I think. its so hard form me to write I wish I could be near all my children but that pleasure is denied me Im not complain SJC (page break) I have never made mention of my step sons, I can say from my heart I loved them dearly when I was seventeen years old I took them for my own and now I can look back and feel that I Done my Duty I loved them and was loved in return o when I think how happy our children were with each other when those Dear Boys was at home I know no one ever could tell that hey had a step mother, their Pa would often tell them that they coulden have been treated better By thier own Mother I loved them when I first saw them, they were so kind and if they got hurt while at play they would run to me for sympathy I know they were never any more truble to me then my own I Believe it was our Father in heaven that kept me all along o my Father in heaven Grant that we may all meet in a world of Bliss SJC (page break) July 4th Raine in the forenoon cleard off at four oclock can hear the children hooping and holering I love to hear them. Im not feeling well to Day not much the matter I suppose been trying to read cant remember any thing. I can feel that Im getting more listless and dull I hope I wont live to see the time when I cant be of any service in anyway. My feet are often wandering The path I cannot see I sorely need thy guidance come Jesus close to me o Lord a humble learner I at thy feet would be My heart needs thy Blest teachings come Jesus close to me (page break) come with thy Blessed presance Be real and near to me Fill all my common moments come Jesus close to me S J C July 31 cool and pleasant Aug 1st Received a letter from My little Grand Daughter Mary Crawford yesterday. she writes well she is a sweet little Girl I think. had a good letter from mind I last week what a pleasure it is to hear from My childern and Grand Children I intend writing to annie Crawford She is a Dear sweet little girl I love her. I loved her Dear Mother, has she never been to see me yet think Ed might Bring her some time. (page break) 18 Im not very well to day some Better then I was yesterday 20 I am very well to day all gone to church. how glad I would be if I could be nearer so I could go more its too far to walk and I dont want to be any truble. am not strong seem wreak cant tell what ails me I Know I have a strange feeling Grant and eva came from church heard a good sermon hope I can go some time Aug 23 nice Day I am real well and cheerful. think Ill go with Grant Thursday evening to our old home. eva is here and will Teach School we are glad to have her here is so much company she is a Precious Grand Daughter (page break) Aug 24 I intend going with Grant to our old home this evening will return to night 27 am a lone all gone to church annie and eva gone to see Mina hope they will have a nice time Miss Dora Keller and Grant gone to church a proteacted Meeting will commence to Day at Bethlehem o how I wish I could be there what Precious meetings we used to have there 31 havent heard any thing from the meeting think we will go out sunday September 3 Grant has gone to our old home and to church to day. I dont feel well I would have went too. the meeting has been going on a week to day not any prospect of doing much good I fear Sorry to hear it (page break) September 11 we had a pleasant visit from mr Shepard and Mina last week they have a sweet little Boy Lynn Crawford. Logan is sick at his Fathers in Allville, hope to hear he is Better soon november 8th I havent been well for two or three weeks some better to Day Ella Whites Babe died last week sorry to hear it, seems hard, but God knows Best Nov 16 I am able to be up most all the time think I may last a while longer December 5 Cynthia spent a few day with us last week am glad to see her so well and cheerful she is a real Good Daughter My Grandson John D Crawford is staying with his Uncles atending the Buisness college I am real proud of him think he is a nice young man (page break) December 19 had another sick spell am a little Better to day I have such Good Children to wait on me that it seems I cant be sick long. Annie Dear Girl is allways ready and I Know willing to do anything she can to relive me I dont (know) how to be thankful enugh for such precious Children. 26 Nice day havent seen any one to day John and Miss Dora took supper with us last night its such a Beautiful Day I thought some of my Friends from the country would come to see us I suppose they were hindred in some way 1894 January 8 nice Day for winter just read a letter from Margaret I love to get a letter from her she is so kind sorry to hear of her Mothers poor health. expect a letter from Jimmie soon he dont write as (page break) often as I want him but I know he loves his Mother I will try to be content just to her from him. 19 this is a cold rainy Day had a pleasant visit from Jimmis Fergueson all glad to see him hope he may get home safe Mr William Powels little girl Died yesterday will be buired to day I know its hard to give up a sweet little girl like she was but God know. Best. hope her Parents will look to him for Comfort 26 Some warmer to day the last three or four days have Been the coldest of the season but we have such a warm house we Dont feel the cold much but my heart achs when I think so many poor little children suffering with the Cold. 27 This is a Beautiful Day warm and pleasant eva is going home this evening we miss her when she is gone but used Love to get used to it I think she dont expect (page break) to Teach anymore Feburary 7 Cloudy and cool to day had a little weak Spell this morning some better now. I may expect to have such feelings at my age I know theres not meny woman at my age that as strong and healthy as I am and I enjoy life better then I ever thought I could under the circumstanert seems that I am tired of life but I often think of my dear departed friends so free from Sorrow and pain I wish I could be with them. Yes my earthworn Soul rejoices And my wearied heart grows light For the thrilling angel voices And the angel faces bright That shall welcom us to heaven Are the loved of long ago Harp Strings touched by angel fingers Murmur in my raptured ear (page break) Evermore thier Sweet tone lingers We shall meet each other there 16 The 8 of this month was the 21 Birth day of my Grandson John D Crawford and Grant eva and I went to Johns and Annie had a nice supper Logan Thomas and Miss Dora Keller were present we spent apleasent evening Mitton Parlberry and sister were present also 18 all gone to church. I wish I could be able to go more then I do. Im feeling very well to day visit Febuary 27 we had a nice from Rillie L and Mary Waller last week hope they will come again I love to have My friends visit us I dont feel so lonely (page break) March 2 yeasterday was Johns Birth Day he was fifty siz. Grant eva and I and Mr Thomas Parbery and Son and Daughter Miss Dora Keller John D H C Logan C Thomas took supper with them and annie a precious good wife that she is made everthing pleasant March 5 Just read a letter from My little Grand Daughter Mary Crawford she is a smart little girl wish I could see her March 7 Cloudy and rainy this mornig cleard off some this eve Miss Leora Elliott and Mr Ben Warren wre Married to day May they have peace and plenty 9 Beautiful Day have Just read the sun and Moon stand still at the words of Joshua SJC (page break) March 14 20 This is My Birth Day I am seventy five I cant see much change in my feeling sicenc I was seventy four but I know mystay on earth will not be much longer hope Ill be ready when the summons comes I have Good children and Grand children and friends. they are all very kind to me but some times I get a little weary and cant see that I am of any use. I dont think my Children are tired of me no I hope I may never live to be in the way of any one I had thougt of writing ore to day but I cant collect my thoughts Eva gave me a nice Bible and Grant and hand bay for my birth day april 2 had thought of going home to church Yesterday but conclued I was not able to take the trip if I lived nearer I Know I would go to church more then I do think it would revive me a little (page break) april 9 had a pleasant visit from Dick Elliott and wife and thier Daughter and soninlaw saturday April 29 pleasant Day Eva gone to church had thought of going too but Grant is not well so we stayd at home we will be so lonely when Eva leaves I hardly know how we can get along without her and John D H will go home soon he is a dear good Grandson wish he would get in Buisnes and stayed dont see him much but I Know he is near and try to be contented May 3 Raine this Morning but cleard off before noon everthing Grouin nicely. (page break) May 20 all gone to church Grant and I Eva and Miss Dora are going out to our old home this evening Im not very well to Day think the drive will do me good 27 we had to give up on our trip Grant was Badly crippled but is getting along very well for which I am so thankful June 10 Returned from allville thursday night spent a week with My children very pleasantly glad to see them doing so well .... feel lonesom sicnce Eva left I some times think she will teach again but its hard to tell what she will do June 19 went home with Dick Elliott saturday and went to church in the evening and Sunday was communion day (page break) was glad to meet with my Brothern and sisters once more I will try to go again. took Dinner at Mr whites Sunday they have a nice home and I was glad I went Ella and Mr White too were so friendly I think I will go again. it seems so hard for Ella to give up her Babe I wanted to say something to comfort her but knew all I could say couldent do any good For the Sorrow for the Dead is the only Sorrow from which we refuse to be Divorced 20 Grant wen to Clinton to Day hope the Rest will do him good June 24 Grant has gone to church and I am alone this is a lonely day to me cant tell why. last Sunday I went home to church was glad to meet with the Brethern and Friends but it seems so hard that I cant go and (page break) feel as I once did Though dark my path and sad my lot Let me be still and murmur not Or Breathe the prayer divinely taught Thy will be done (2/3 page break, then ½) July 20 I have Been quite poorly for three weeks am better now Mrs M spent last night with us she is a precious Good lady I will allways love her for her kindness to me. Eva and I are lonely sicnce Grant left I miss him so much hope the trip will do him good 24 heard from Grant yesterday he seems to be getting along nicely Ill not worry. hope I will be real well when he comes Aug 6th have been quite poorly for some time cant enjoy life (page break) Aug 31 havent been able to do anything for Some time hope I can get well and be of Some use. Grant is so Kind that I feel like I want to stay with him as long as I can and John and Annie they so attentive and good to me I know my own Daughter coudent treat me better then Annie does. I am so thankfull that I am Bleest with such Children Sept 9 had a sleepless night some better to day. I sometimes think Ill never be well anymore. Eeva is here now she is very kind so much company hope I may get better so that I can enjoy having My Children and friend with me more (page break) Sept 25 Cynthia spent last week with us glad to see her so well and happy I am not well yet cant use my right arm much oct 7 all gone to Church I am Much better to day hope I may get well so I can be some help to my Children and Grand Children Oct 28 I have had quite a bad spell again am much better to Day am so thankful we had a short visit from Mr Pritchett and Lulie and thier sweet Babe Oct30 Cool and Cloudy Nov 2 havent seen any of my Courn ty friends this week miss sou called yesterday eve (page break) Nov 15 as I am some Better to Day will try to write Charlie is here going to school hope he will study hard and try to get an education 25 all gone to church it seems that I will never be able to go any more sometimes when I am in so much pain I feel inclind to murmur I know its wrong when I think how Blest I have been with good health. for which I am so thankful___ John and Annie are away from home and will be for some time it is allmost Breaks my heart to see my darling son so near Blind but I hope and believe that he can be treated in some way that he will have his sight again as good as ever (page break) December 11 Cloudy and dark and Some better to day John and Annie came home last night well and healthy Johns eyes much better he thinks so glad to hear it havent seen him yet Dec 16 all gone to Church Mrs Nannie Elliott Stopt awhile with me yesterday was glad to see her she was allways such a kind good neighbour when I lived near her I can never forget her (skipping a page, this obutary was taped in the diary) A "Sweet Mother." The remains of Mrs. S. J. Crawford, mother of Mr. Grant Crawford and Mr. J. D. Craw- ford, whose death was announced in last week's issues of this paper, were buried Sun- day afternoon at Bethlehem cemetery, Rev. J. B. Fuller preaching the funeral sermon. Mrs. Crawford was a woman of unexcepitonal loveliness and, far and near, her friends have learned of her death with sorrow. In referring to her, her son, Mr. Grant Crawford, said with broken accents, "she was such a sweet mother." The tribute was one which was worthy of a good son for a good mother and its pathos and beauty suggested to the writer the following lines: So sweet she was, so kindly true and tender, I see her now, he gentle face above me, As when a little child I sought her- dear defender. And heard her whisper softly, " mother loves thee." So sweet she was, so gentle in her chiding, So proud of vict'rys won o'er faults that promised ill- Oh dear, loved one, without thy faith abiding, How rash had been my own imperious will. So sweet she was, so wise in ev'ry teaching; So many prayers her duty well to do- Ah mother ! with your heart forever upward reaching What a wonder that He called you there- beyond the blue. So sweet she was- so sweet she is and tender; As long ago her gentle face above me I see her still, my angel, my defender- And still she whispers softly, " mother loves thee. R. P. Handwritten by Lulita with in the front cover: Mentions Jimmie & Maggie Little Mary Grandson John- 21st birthday Mr. Prichett, Lulie & babe Dora Keller Her stepsons when she was 17 John & Annie leaving for mountains